yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
