he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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