dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
