he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
