Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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