and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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