Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
