I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
