yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
