you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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