I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
