He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
