At least make sure they are 18
Why
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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