White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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