Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
