Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
