I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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