I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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