the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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