Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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