i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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