Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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