I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A bitchslap is in order.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
