Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
