Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
