a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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