I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
