i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
