Sponge bath it is.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
don't judge my taste in strippers
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
