I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
