if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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