I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
