dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
