This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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