Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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