I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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