He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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