K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
