I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
