fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize