It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
