By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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