I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Welp...herpes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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