I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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