He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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