yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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