Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
