not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
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Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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