I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
