Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
