Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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