I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
