I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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