On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
