I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
