My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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