So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
