i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
