they need to just BURY HIM!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
