Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
