I accidentally had phone sex last night
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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