i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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