I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
