blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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