If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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