Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
