just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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