My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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