Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
