party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
