No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
