help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
