So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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