You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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