wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
