She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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