Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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