We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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