You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
