u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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