i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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