Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
