I think I died a long time ago.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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