i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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