I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
