Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
