my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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