She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
