my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
